True friends...

I have recently decided I have very few REAL friends. I have people I work with, people I talk to a few times a month, and even some people from way back when that are still in my life. If some one is in your life for years, or you see them everyday and get along, does that make them your friend? To me a friend is someone you connect with, even if only a once in awhile, someone who is there when you truly need them, and that cares for you and yours. I know that I have people I see everyday, and spend time with, I help them when they need help and am there for when they are down. Now are these same people there for me? When I need help do they help, with out me begging or even asking? Do they contact me just cause? NO. I am the one you come to when you need, need anything. But WHO do I turn to when I just plain need something?? I can count them on one hand. I have been putting so much effort in these "friends" and get nothing in return, not even a true friendship. I am the one who calls, makes plans, asks about them. I am going to stop being the IT girl for help and advice. I am not here for them to use up and leave when they are on a high in life. I guess I will never be a person with a group of friends, a bunch of gal pals to do things with. I know that sounds like self pity, but I just don't understand. I think that I am a good friend, that I am caring, fun to be around, and am loyal. So why is it that I have so few true friends??? I see women who back stab and gossip about each other and they are friends for life. Me, I don't gossip about my friends, I don't back stab, I won't try to steal your man. So I am letting them all go, I am not initiating any contact, not making plans, and not turning my life around to help them.

( KM , knock it off I am not talking about you ;p )

Weekend in Seattle...

Spent the weekend in Seattle for the NIN concert. I had a blast!!

Cool graffiti I saw near Pike Street

Close up of "Gum Wall" in Seattle

Everyone who passes by sticks their gum on wall, now it's a piece of "Art"

Tony next to "Gum Wall"

Me and Tony after NIN concert

This Weekend...

Here is a photo diary of my weekend. I am loving the summer, but wish it was a tad cooler.

The first veggie we got to pick from our garden.
A trip to the farmers market.
Check out Regen's foot after Cassie (the horse she rides) stepped on it.
Saw a place in Selah that Kariann and I should get for a new business...dreaming
Took my room from this.....

To this, going through it all for a yard sale to come.

Died my hair, bright pink and dark blue highlights in the back....I LOVE IT!!

So there is our weekend, great times, and interesting events.

Being single...and a mom..

I think that sometimes there is something truly wrong with my genetic make-up. Two things make me think I am more of a freak than other people in this world...

1. I love being a mom, and am actually enjoying being a single mom.

My ex and I were very different people to begin with, add in his substance usage and we were worlds apart. So needless to say our parenting ideas were very different. I love watching Regen finding her self, whether with her clothing choices, eating choices, or artistic outlets. Letting her find who she is within the guidelines I set for her, such as cleanliness, politeness (we're working on that one a little), respect for others and ourselves, and so on. C***, felt that kids are told what to wear, eat, and like, and that was the end of it. Most mom's I know fear being a single mom, or hate it. Now I am not saying that it's a breeze and that there isn't a struggle with money, time, or sanity, but I love being the sole boss when it comes to saying yes and no to things. I get to decided all things, and I love having days that just roll with the punches, instead of fighting to have it all a set way. ( Also when I say single I mean single, no sisters or mom to babysit, no grandparents to take Regen for the weekend, It's me and only me. And I still would not stop being a mom or wish she was not in my life. )

2. I like being single. Or at least don't hate it.

It seems that if your over 21 and single that it's a oddity or just plain sad. Women and even some men my age are on this desperate feeling hunt for a spouse. That they need to find someone and need to be married or in a relationship headed there with in the " next 2 years". (Or they are with multiple people to "scratch that itch", I think that a physical relationship would be wonderful, but to move from partner to partner is just asinine and plain stupid. Plus have a little respect for yourselves!!...anyway) I have dated and met some nice men, but no one that I would truly change my schedule for, that seems mean, but I guess I want to have my life and the other person's life to simple meld together. Turning my and Regen's life around for a new someone??? That doesn't seem good, or even healthy. Some change yes, but not an overhaul. Yes, I would like to have a man in my life, but I want that someone to fit in my life almost as it is, and us to fit in his life the same way, a blending, not a changing of. I like spending time alone, reading, going to lunch, or even a movie, plus my life is busy so I am not desperate for something to do. I hope to find someone to spend my life with, but I don't feel like I will perish or be an "old maid" with a hundred cats if I don't.

These two things make me feel like I am standing naked in front of the class, when I go out with the girls or even am asked about my love life. I watch other women striding determinedly to get a man, or having people wanting to set me up ( with men that are really not compatible to me).I don't feel the driving need to have help being a parent, or that I have to be in a stable relationship by the time I am 35. Don't get me wrong, I would love a man and help with everything, but I won't perish if I hit 35 and am single.

Regen is an Aries...

I was browsing the net and ran across this. I am not sure if I fully believe in astrological readings but this one is dead on with my Regen!!!

Young Aries:

Aries children have energy in abundance, are usually strong, active, and enthusiastic. You better be physically in great shape to keep up with the little Ram. They seem to never get tired and after a day full of physical activity, the Aries child keeps going while you might gasp for air. Being curious and adventurous, little Arians want to know everything, explore, and investigate. Without fear they venture into new territory all the time, be it a high tree, a playground, or a year abroad. They love challenges, so offering them opportunities to compete either in sports or at play or in school keeps them from being bored too quickly. Aries children need a lot of watching, especially when they are very young, as they can also be quite stubborn and won't accept a "No" easily. Resisting control, they need to know who is in charge, as they are very determined to do everything their very own way. Although young Arians can be quite sweet and affectionate one minute, they can be challenging and angry the next. They need a lot of reassurance, attention, and need to know they are loved. Being ruled by Mars, it is no wonder that they can display a hot temper but they can forget it as quickly as it came. As natural born leaders, Aries children will take the lead in their group, be it at school, or college, or in their circle of friends. However, it can be difficult for them to lose and as difficult to learn how to share and that they cannot win every game. Young Arians are a delight to be around, and they will certainly never bore you! Your favorite moments will be when you can jump into their fantasyland with them and get swept away by their courageous lead into the unknown. They have an untamed spirit that is always ready for adventure!

Old Fashion Weekend

I loved this weekend. We spent Saturday at the Yakima Folk life Festival. Walking around looking at wonderful art, artistic clothing, ate great food, and listened to some awesome music. Later in the day we went to pick blue berries, enjoying the day with Regen, and some close friends.

Sunday we slept in, and enjoyed a quiet morning at home. In the afternoon we went to the Farmers Market, purchasing some veggies, and homemade bread. After getting home, we started doing some canning. We made apricot jam, apricot brandy pecan preserves, and pickled beans. I loved this weekend! Spending time with Regen, showing her art, music, different cultures in food (Yummy), and teaching her how to do canning and preserving food. Passing on the things that my mom taught me.

Spring Cleaning...

This weekend I have decided that my house is overwhelming me. I LOVE my house, when I walk in my house it just feels like home. But I have stuff everywhere, Regen's great grandma passed away, and we inherited a bunch of stuff. Plus when we were in need, friends gave us a ton of stuff too. Now I have a whole room full of unpacked boxes, and am totally unorganized in the rest of the house. To top it all off, I realized that in both of Regen's and my room we have clothes that don't fit, that we never wear, and way too many toys (Regen's room). So this week I am going to go room to room, sorting into keep and sale. On Saturday I will have a yard sale, what sales, sales, and what doesn't will go to the mission. Finally after 2 years I will be unpacked, and organized. YEA YEA, a condensed, clean but comfy house!!! Out with the old, stop hanging on to " I will wear that someday" clothes, and on to a easy living future in my wonderful kid friendly home.