Being single...and a mom..

I think that sometimes there is something truly wrong with my genetic make-up. Two things make me think I am more of a freak than other people in this world...

1. I love being a mom, and am actually enjoying being a single mom.

My ex and I were very different people to begin with, add in his substance usage and we were worlds apart. So needless to say our parenting ideas were very different. I love watching Regen finding her self, whether with her clothing choices, eating choices, or artistic outlets. Letting her find who she is within the guidelines I set for her, such as cleanliness, politeness (we're working on that one a little), respect for others and ourselves, and so on. C***, felt that kids are told what to wear, eat, and like, and that was the end of it. Most mom's I know fear being a single mom, or hate it. Now I am not saying that it's a breeze and that there isn't a struggle with money, time, or sanity, but I love being the sole boss when it comes to saying yes and no to things. I get to decided all things, and I love having days that just roll with the punches, instead of fighting to have it all a set way. ( Also when I say single I mean single, no sisters or mom to babysit, no grandparents to take Regen for the weekend, It's me and only me. And I still would not stop being a mom or wish she was not in my life. )

2. I like being single. Or at least don't hate it.

It seems that if your over 21 and single that it's a oddity or just plain sad. Women and even some men my age are on this desperate feeling hunt for a spouse. That they need to find someone and need to be married or in a relationship headed there with in the " next 2 years". (Or they are with multiple people to "scratch that itch", I think that a physical relationship would be wonderful, but to move from partner to partner is just asinine and plain stupid. Plus have a little respect for yourselves!!...anyway) I have dated and met some nice men, but no one that I would truly change my schedule for, that seems mean, but I guess I want to have my life and the other person's life to simple meld together. Turning my and Regen's life around for a new someone??? That doesn't seem good, or even healthy. Some change yes, but not an overhaul. Yes, I would like to have a man in my life, but I want that someone to fit in my life almost as it is, and us to fit in his life the same way, a blending, not a changing of. I like spending time alone, reading, going to lunch, or even a movie, plus my life is busy so I am not desperate for something to do. I hope to find someone to spend my life with, but I don't feel like I will perish or be an "old maid" with a hundred cats if I don't.

These two things make me feel like I am standing naked in front of the class, when I go out with the girls or even am asked about my love life. I watch other women striding determinedly to get a man, or having people wanting to set me up ( with men that are really not compatible to me).I don't feel the driving need to have help being a parent, or that I have to be in a stable relationship by the time I am 35. Don't get me wrong, I would love a man and help with everything, but I won't perish if I hit 35 and am single.