I am melting....

I keep thinking that I want to blog, but it's so hot here I can hardly think. i wanted summer to show up, but 100 and up degrees is too much for my brain.

My complaint...

Today I don't have much to say, I am kind of stupefied by an encounter with my ex-husband. I have some contact with him, but I try to limit it for he is, just in my opinion, an a**. But as I sit here, I realize my anger and frustration boils down to just one thing. How come a man who can walk out on his children, have almost no contact for 3 years, be the same man who will not get out of MY life? Why does he ignore his kids, not contact them, but constantly email and call me? Me the woman who would love to never hear from him again, but not the kids that adore him , and want him in their lives?

(Just to be clear on one thing I have tried my hardest and hopefully succeeded in not bad mouthing, slamming, or putting down the kid's dad. I allow them all contact with him. I make sure that holiday and birthday cards or gifts are sent to him. They get to call him anytime they want. He is the one who doesn't call or return calls, who doesn't send cards or gifts, including for Christmas and birthdays. )

Insomnia....

This week has passed in both slow motion and fast forward.... I am not sleeping very well, laying there till two or three in the morning, then having a ton of problems waking up on time. I feel so tired and that I am moving so slow, that I haven't gotten much done this week, but then here it is Friday and I don't know where the week went. How can by body feel like its in slow motion, but my week went in fast forward? I am off to take a nap and sleep. Hopefully next week my body and week will travel at the same speed.

Making the best of this weekend...

I was not looking forward to this weekend. Regen usually gets upset cause C*** is not around and everyone else is with their dads. But it turned out to be a really good weekend. William came over Friday and spent the nite. Saturday we got up late, and went swimming. KM, BM, and IM joined us and I had a nice time. Regen had a great day Playing with William and Ivy, so the day passed in good spirits. Saturday nite Tony came over, and we all had a nice dinner together and William spent the nite again. Regen even insisted on giving Tony a card for father's day. Sunday, Tony came over in the morning and we all had breakfast together, and went to the farmer's market. Then while Tony ran errands the kids and me went swimming again. Not once during the weekend has there been tears about C***, or phone calls the end badly. Regen hasn't even tried to call him. I am not sure if that is good or not, but it's been a wonderfully peaceful and enjoyable weekend!!

Father's day sucks...

For me and Regen father's day sucks. My father has been gone for fifteen years, but I miss him daily. Plus Regen's dad is now a "not involved" dad. She hasn't seen C*** in almost three years. There is limited contact. This is not my doing, heck I even got her her own phone just so she could call him ANYtime she wants. Their phone conversations last maybe 3 mins, and so now Regen has just stopped calling. He might call once a month and that's it. So like I said father's day sucks in this family. This year I have decided to make it "Our Family Rocks" day. We are going to celebrate us and our relationship.

My Madre, Me at 3 days, and My Dad.

The reason I love life, my baby girl Regen.

One Of My Favorites....

When I was just a little girl
My mama used to tuck me into bed
And she would read me a story
It always was about a princess in distress
And how a guy would save her
And end up with all the glory
I'd lie in bed and think about
The person that I wanted to be
Then one day I realized
The fairy tale life wasn't for me
I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sitting in a dark old dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like someone waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
I will survive even without a rescuer
I'd rather rescue myself
Someday I'm gonna find someone
Who wants my soul, heart, and mind
Who's not afraid to show that he loves me
Somebody who will understand
I'm happy just the way I am
Don't need nobody taking care of me
I will be there for him
Just as strong as he will be there for me
When I find myself love
It has got to be an equal thing
I can slay my own dragons
I can dream my own dream
My knight in shining armor is me
So I'm gonna set me free

Taking care of yourself..

I find it hard to take care of myself. I know that my body needs rests from work, that over-working myself is just not healthy. I get rundown, my body hurts, and my brain just starts to shut down. I've been trying to limit myself to 15 to 18 massages a week, but I am not doing to well. Last week I had 23 and this week I am at 21. No wonder my arms and hands are sore and I am unmotivated to work. I actually sat down and marked myself on the schedule only allowing 18 a week and even taking weds afternoons and every other sat off. I am trying to teach myself how to self care and wow is it hard!!

Ahhh the JOY of owning a business with others...

It is interesting how different four women can be. We were all basically raised in this valley, are similar in age and are all Massage Therapist. That is where our similarities end. How can four women of similar basic backgrounds, end up being such different people? Each deals with, processes, and responds to issues and daily life so differently. Each day shows me how others think and feel, opens my mind to the thoughts and opinions of others, while also making me think sometimes, "What the F**k?" (Sorry gals, love ya) Hopefully this is helping me to be more open to others, their opinions and lives, letting me move more with the flow, being less of a rock other's beat themselves against.

So not motivated

I just don't wanna work right now. I want to sit in my yard and read. To putter, yes putter, around my garden and plant new veggies and flowers. To enjoy the smell of the dirt and enjoy watching things grow. I want to paint my kitchen, and to paint some art. I need a vacation where I can stay at home, do projects and be artistic. Not worrying about work, the issues there, the $$ I need to make, and the issues that come with that. Wishful thinking I know, but I would settle for even 3 or 4 days of just plain free time to do as I please. I am unmotivated when I comes to work. I have thrown myself into work the last year or so, to create myself a clientele and to provide for Regen and myself. I have rarely taken time off, and overworked each day, so now I am just wrung dry of motivation. Here is to hoping I get my work "MOJO" back soon.