Warped Life Standard...

I am beginning to believe I have a warped life standard. I feel dissatisfied, and antsy, like there is so much more I should be doing, have to be doing, or something I missed and will regret it. Right now my life is really good!! I am able to pay my bills, have a little extra, I get to spend tons of time with Regen, and am getting back to being the "true" me. But I fell like something is really missing. When I talked to a wonderful friend, who speaks truth to me no matter what, she stated that I am so used to being in "survival mode", and not used to a normal daily life. I think she's right. Being use to struggling, fighting to give Regen a better life, a stable home, and a mom who is happy and self confident has been my life for over 8 years. Before that I had many times life knocked me flat. I have been so used to being knocked flat, that I walk around waiting for the smack. When life is going better, I am waiting, just waiting for what ever will make me loose my breath, darken my sight, and leave me bleeding. On one level I know that I am doing good, that Regen is doing better and is happy. But I still have that antsy feeling, the feeling that I should be doing more so I am better prepared for that smack down. How do I after the loss of both parents, all my grandparents, and a horrible marriage to an addict, a woman who has lost herself, how does that woman learn to accept this day, the goodness in this life, and live for today without having that cloud of antsy anticipation for the pain? This is my quest, what I am working to find, the ability to just be happy and not worry about what I can't control.