Father's day sucks...

For me and Regen father's day sucks. My father has been gone for fifteen years, but I miss him daily. Plus Regen's dad is now a "not involved" dad. She hasn't seen C*** in almost three years. There is limited contact. This is not my doing, heck I even got her her own phone just so she could call him ANYtime she wants. Their phone conversations last maybe 3 mins, and so now Regen has just stopped calling. He might call once a month and that's it. So like I said father's day sucks in this family. This year I have decided to make it "Our Family Rocks" day. We are going to celebrate us and our relationship.

My Madre, Me at 3 days, and My Dad.

The reason I love life, my baby girl Regen.

One Of My Favorites....

When I was just a little girl
My mama used to tuck me into bed
And she would read me a story
It always was about a princess in distress
And how a guy would save her
And end up with all the glory
I'd lie in bed and think about
The person that I wanted to be
Then one day I realized
The fairy tale life wasn't for me
I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sitting in a dark old dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like someone waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
I will survive even without a rescuer
I'd rather rescue myself
Someday I'm gonna find someone
Who wants my soul, heart, and mind
Who's not afraid to show that he loves me
Somebody who will understand
I'm happy just the way I am
Don't need nobody taking care of me
I will be there for him
Just as strong as he will be there for me
When I find myself love
It has got to be an equal thing
I can slay my own dragons
I can dream my own dream
My knight in shining armor is me
So I'm gonna set me free

Taking care of yourself..

I find it hard to take care of myself. I know that my body needs rests from work, that over-working myself is just not healthy. I get rundown, my body hurts, and my brain just starts to shut down. I've been trying to limit myself to 15 to 18 massages a week, but I am not doing to well. Last week I had 23 and this week I am at 21. No wonder my arms and hands are sore and I am unmotivated to work. I actually sat down and marked myself on the schedule only allowing 18 a week and even taking weds afternoons and every other sat off. I am trying to teach myself how to self care and wow is it hard!!

Ahhh the JOY of owning a business with others...

It is interesting how different four women can be. We were all basically raised in this valley, are similar in age and are all Massage Therapist. That is where our similarities end. How can four women of similar basic backgrounds, end up being such different people? Each deals with, processes, and responds to issues and daily life so differently. Each day shows me how others think and feel, opens my mind to the thoughts and opinions of others, while also making me think sometimes, "What the F**k?" (Sorry gals, love ya) Hopefully this is helping me to be more open to others, their opinions and lives, letting me move more with the flow, being less of a rock other's beat themselves against.

So not motivated

I just don't wanna work right now. I want to sit in my yard and read. To putter, yes putter, around my garden and plant new veggies and flowers. To enjoy the smell of the dirt and enjoy watching things grow. I want to paint my kitchen, and to paint some art. I need a vacation where I can stay at home, do projects and be artistic. Not worrying about work, the issues there, the $$ I need to make, and the issues that come with that. Wishful thinking I know, but I would settle for even 3 or 4 days of just plain free time to do as I please. I am unmotivated when I comes to work. I have thrown myself into work the last year or so, to create myself a clientele and to provide for Regen and myself. I have rarely taken time off, and overworked each day, so now I am just wrung dry of motivation. Here is to hoping I get my work "MOJO" back soon.

Finding my style...

In the last few months I have been trying to re-find my own personal style. I had realized one day when trying to find something to wear that the majority of clothes in my closet were ones my ex-husband would be happy to see me wear. These clothes were NOT me, and didn't reflect who or what I am. So I endured most women's nightmare, I went shopping to find clothes, 1. clothes that truly fit, 2. clothes that reflected my personality and choices, and 3. clothes that I could afford. A lot to ask for I know. Well slowly but surely I am finding clothes that I like, that are comfortable to wear, and yes that I can afford. ( Saw a commercial on tv that had a shirt I liked, so I went online to check it out, Ya $365.00 for a knit shirt!! No Thanks!! ) This might sound trivial compared to some issues, but it was really effecting my life. I had to stop and examine my life, what am I doing that is for others, especially others who don't matter anymore, that is sacrificing who I am and making me change, in not a good way. I realized that I dressed different, I ate different ( those who know my husband will understand this ), I even stopped being artistic. I have always painted, drawn, something. I have not done art in almost 6 years. This blows my mind, there used to not be a day that went by that I didn't do some form of art. This is truly a time that I need to find me and who I am again. At times I think what happened to the independent, outgoing, strong woman that I thought I was, why is this muted woman standing in her place??

Wow, Didn't realize

Wow, Didn't realize a whole year flew by! Where did the last year go? Life is about the same, living in our new home, working at a job I love, and playing with my wonderful daughter. Two of my girlfriends are pregnant, I am really excited for them both, even though they both are having tough times in these first months. I am jealous. I would love to have another child. Who knows it maybe in the cards for the future. Regen is doing great in school and ready for the summer! I am content and life is good, but of course my mind is still working, and coming up for plans and projects for the future.